FOOOD!

Oh how I love the! Let me count the ways. . . 

I Love food and anyone that knows me can tell you this is true. I find many of my friends that are parents complaining about having to make more than one meal, kids always knowing when they eat chocolate or other treats, or how they never get to eat a warm meal or finish a meal ever. Well then I am thankful I do not have children right now. I get to eat what ever I want when I want. If I want something fast, I can stop at any fast food place and not worry about children waiting for food or finding out that I ate something without them. I can eat cookies and milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner without having to explain to a child that I can do it because I am adult and they cannot because they are a child. I can eat icecream when I want and not worry about a child reaching up for a bite or asking for their own, or waiting until the kids are asleep. Another plus to not having a child right now is if I am not all that hungry at dinner time I can just not eat dinner and not worry about cooking for someone else. 

I am glad I am not pregnant right now as well as many of the foods I adore are things you are not supposed to eat. Then there is the thought of after the baby is born and having to breast feed. While I plan to do this, I am happy I do not have to do that right now. I have heard of women having to eat bland diets and slowly introduce new foods and spices one at a time to make sure their child isn't getting an upset stomach. I am all for that but I know that will be a challenge for me if that is the case with my child. I could do formula but I PERSONALLY, believe that breast feeding is better for MY child. I just want to make it clear I am not bashing any mothers whom choose to feed their babies formula. You do what you got to do, no judgement here. 

So for now I say eat on and Bonne Appetite! 

Not pregnant yet!

I know there have been many blogs or posts about infertility and dealing with it. But this one is mine and it's special to me. (Forgive the semi-reference to full metal jacket.) I love my friends and I love their support. And now for the but. . . it's hard for them to really feel what I am going through. I know they want to help ease this pain/ache I have at not having children yet, but comparing it to being single and trying to find a husband is hurtful and almost cheapens the miracle that is having a child. No it is in no way the same, there is a chemical need in our bodies to have children, there is also a spiritual need. I do not believe there is a same chemical reaction to finding a husband. I would be happy to be single but have a child, it almost seems better than to be married and try to have a child but not have one. Do not get me wrong I love my husband but I am not his mother and I do not want to be his mother, so this does not satisfy my ache to have a child. Animals are cute and cuddly but they are no substitute for a child. There is something special about raising a child, teaching them about their world, the trust they place in your hands there is nothing that compares. Every time I see another woman with a swollen belly, my heart breaks and aches. What I wouldn't give to be her to trade places with her on even her worst day! I know many of you will say well you don't know her trials and so forth, but I am telling you from the bottom of my heart I don't care what trials I would face, I would give anything for a child of my own. Some say well at least you are young and have plenty of time to have children, to them I say do I really? I mean tomorrow is not promised and who knows what will happen to me, or Jon. They also say well you can always adopt, yes we could if we had the money and the resources to do so. I would love that child just as much as if it were our own; but when you are a school teacher and your husband is a musician, money is not really that abondent.  I have also heard many horror stories from others that have tried to adopt infants and I do not think my own faith or sanity could with stand those same traumas. I know many couples that were told "I want to place my child with you," only to have their hearts broken by that same person. I am not as strong as I appear, I am weak when it comes to my heart and those I love. My heart would break into a million little pieces if I were told "Sorry I have changed my mind." I do not think I would be able to put myself back together after that. So while 

I say I would with stand any trial, I do not think that would be one I could handle. 

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "Stop trying so hard and it will happen!" or "When you stop trying that's when it will happen!" or "After you adopt, THAT's when it will happen!" or "Stop thinking about it and it will happen!" or "When we did insert big purchase or life changing event here, that's when it happened for us."  or "When God thinks it's your time it will happen for you." Well, while I understand the need to say something please don't, it only hurts me further to hear these things, because it feels as though it is implied that I or my husband are doing something wrong or haven't met some imaginary mile-stone. If you want to help lend an ear, a shoulder to cry on, just be sympathetic, I am not looking for a fix, I am looking for a friend. I often times feel like people are tired of hearing about my issues. I get it, when I get on the "I am sad because I don't have baby yet" mode, it's no fun and I am trying I really am. Please be patient with me I am trying to work through something very big and hard for me right now. Although I have faced many very difficult issues this has been the hardest for me yet. 

Bedtimes

The all important bedtime, good for you good for me. I am not very strict in my schedule, I like to play it by ear. Right now I am blogging and Jon is playing the piano and getting a composition ready for tomorrow. The first is probably not that out of the ordinary for some moms but the latter would be a definiate no no. Piano playing during bed time are you CRAZY! As if we would ever be able to do this kind of thing again. We also returned home around 8ish after spending most of our afternoon at a friends house. Not possible with kids. I rather enjoy being able to come and go as I please. But with children there are bedtimes and nap times, mess with either of those and you are asking for trouble. I love baby sitting young children it is usually the easiest job ever! Parents leave out around 6 p.m., the kids are usually fed and then it's bath time then bed time with lights out around 7:30 p.m. for our younger crowd and 8-8:30 for our older ones. The rest of the time is spent flipping the channels and waiting on the parents to come home. But I have seen how bedtime can go for some parents and it looks a little like this: Screaming hungry children around 5ish, bath time to follow, then screaming running after the kids as a bedtime routine. Once the kids are down around 8ish it is time to clean up dinner, the bathroom, the laundry and try to pick everything up before crashing around 11 p.m. 
Now compair that with my bedtime routine, it's eat dinner when I feel like it, watch whatever television show or movie I want realize I forgot to do some homework assignment, curse, do the homework assignment realize it is almost 11 p.m. and go upstairs to bed and fall asleep to scrubs. This is one of the best times of my life why am I in such a hurry to have children? The answer my friend is that I LOVE kids and can't wait to be a mom and watch my children grow up and turn into the people they are meant to be. Until that day that I am fortunate enough to have children I am going to cherish the life my husband and I have now. Lots of love and hugs! Good night and sleep well. 

Moving!

So my husband and I recently moved, by recently I mean in December. Our home is currently in different stages of put togetherness. Our kitchen is pretty much the way it will be for the next 30 years or so. Our dinning room still needs a table and for some pictures to be hung up, but over all it seems ready. Our living room is about as good as it's going to get for now. Our bedroom and other rooms well they still have boxes needing to be dealt with. Which brings me to why I am thankful for not having children yet. Moving is hard enough with it's packing and unpacking. Moving from one home to another means cleaning, packing, freaking out about a million times about time. I hate moving! It's hard enough with animals that you are trying to keep from escaping, but I cannot imagine children in that mix. First of all I can't lock them in a room while I move the other rooms, that is a little too child abusive even for me. Second I can't have them help lift anything when they are young so they don't do me much good. :0) Plus all the TOYS! It's bad enough I have enough clothes to last me a life time, and the shoes to match but legos and baby toys UGH! That is just the moving out portion! 
Now onto the moving in part. As two adults with no children Jon and I are able to wait and take our time getting our house in order. With kids all things must be put up or stored away immediately! You can't leave your pictures sitting below the spot you want to hang them without fear of them being broken or smashed. Also kids do not do well in chaos, which is what the upstairs is looking like right now. So I am thankful that I can keep some normalcy for Jon and I and not have to hurry up with this getting things put away for the kids. Until I get one of those sweet little babies in my arms I am for now thankful for not having to move with a child!   

Travel

So it's been a while friends, sorry to leave you hanging. :::Sigh:::: Travel, one of my favorite things to do! I love to go places and to fly on planes.  No one can tell me that flying or traveling with children is amazing and super easy! It just isn't, I know flying with my husband is difficult enough but with children I can only imagine. I am always having to pack extra things for Jon, chargers for his phone, headphones for him to listen to his music, etc, never mind a child. Do not even get me started on going through security with that guy either! It's like he has never done this before! The man has been out of the country and we have flown back and forth to his parent's home at least once a year since we met. So I cannot imagine what that must be like when you have a child. I am not one of those people that is bothered by crying babies on a plane I understand that is not much you can do to console a infant or toddler that has no idea what is going on or why their ears hurt. Now that we have talked about flying some of you are saying well don't fly then just drive to that I say "HA! YEAH RIGHT!" I remember car trips as a child that is sooo much worse than flying at least with flying the pain is only a couple of hours with driving it could take all day or days! Kids getting car sick, having to stop to pee, having to stop to eat and so on a four hour drive can turn into an epic journey one that might scare all of us. I hated car rides as a kid there is nothing worse than sitting next to your little brother or sister for hours! I know these days there are portable dvd players, ipads, ipods and so on but those my friends take power! And if you didn't bring the right movies or long enough movies you are in trouble. Also kids tend to get enveloped by their games or movies so when you hear "I have to go to the bathroom!" You know that it is an emergency because kids for some crazy reason do not know how to recognize that feeling of having to go! So today I am thankful that I do not have to travel with children! 

Career

One great thing about not having children is that Jon and I do not have to choose between our family and our career. Now I know that I will get some crap for this but I am trying to be honest here, we all know that some sacrifices must be made in either direction when children come along. Right now I do not have to make any choices about finishing my masters or starting another degree or not because I have children at home that I want to see. Jon does not have to worry about me being alone with our children while he goes off to play gigs. I can be apart of his career as well, going to his gigs without having to find a baby sitter or some way to bring the children along. Most night clubs and bars are not that cool with you bringing your children to them. As a teacher I often find myself spending long hours at school after my students have gone home, with either my own work or parent/teacher conferences. Jon has to start working at around 3:30 so this would be a difficult task for us if I had to stay after school for meetings and he had to go to work. All this comes down to is finding a sitter or day care or something of the like, but my friends we all know these things are not without cost. So by not having children yet we are theoretically saving money on babysitting. We are also saving my sanity too, having to rush from one place to the next is not my cup of tea. I like to know I can take my time and get where I need to on my schedule. Again I am not saying I wouldn't sacrifice but are you telling me you wouldn't kill for a little extra time? I would and I have no children. Bottom line I feel it's a blessing at this point in our lives that we do not have to worry about babysitters, daycare, and the added expense. I get to support my husband and he gets to support me both financially and emotionally for all our big and small events.  

Feeding Time

In my previous post I commented on sleeping and having a schedule that is all my own, this post shall be about that all important feeding schedule! With children there comes feeding times, as a couple Jon and I are not very good at keeping a schedule for dinner or lunch or any other meal for that matter. As I am writing this it is 9:46 p.m. and we have yet to have dinner. We decided it would be best to just eat some apple slices and toast since it's so late. In our defense we did have a late lunch of pepperoni and bacon pizza, homemade. This got me thinking about how different our meal schedule would have to be if we had a child. There would have to be a breakfast time, a lunch time, and a dinner time. Basically it's awesome to be able to skip a meal and not be considered a child abuser. Child abuse and child neglect are no laughing matter, but in this case it is just an example of how extreme our eating habits are. We also are not very good about eating healthy food items, you should see some of the things Jon makes/eats, it can be very scary! For instance one of his favorite things to make when he is in a hurry is a romen noodle pack lightly boiled then fried with an egg going through it. I am not a fan of this concoction but to each his own. I personally am a fan of the queso dip and chips for dinner. This kind of eating would never fly with a child in the home. I had the wonderful experience to babysit one of the best kids in the world over the summer and I had a hard time keeping a schedule for her. Although I had a hard time keeping a schedule I did make sure she had fruits and vegetables and such while my own lunch was lacking in the same nutritional value. Another wonderful thing about not having children is I eat what I want when I want it. Jon and I are fortunate enough to be able to eat out whenever we want and at what ever restaurant we want. It truly is amazing to be so flexible. I know that children are not inflexible screaming monsters but it is true that going out and taking your time when eating with young children can be very trying and doesn't happen all that often. So this day I am thankful for the opportunity to eat when, what and where I want.

Sleep!

So I have been trying to come to terms with not being able to have children. This has been rather frustrating for both Jon and I. But I have decided that the best thing to do is to start blogging about all the best things about NOT being a parent. Let's start with being able to go to bed and get up whenever I want to. That's right you heard me whenever I want to! This is something that I know as a parent I will struggle with greatly. I am the kind of person that likes to sleep until the very last second possible to arrive on-time somewhere. I often only leave myself about 15 minutes, if that, to get ready. I love that my time is just that MY time. I can do what I want whenever I want. I do have certain obligations but those are ones that I have chosen. Don't get me wrong when that little one comes along I will be more than willing to get up and do what I know must be done. I look forward to waking up and holding that little worm in my arms and loving it. I am also aware that lack of sleep is something that I will face should Jon and I be lucky enough to have a baby. For now I will cherish that I am able to sleep through the night with no interruptions, except for my own bladder that is. So to wrap it up, I want kids and I am huge fan of them, but for now I am going to be thankful for restful nights sleep and the ability to wake when I want, sleep when I want and go and do anything I want when I want. Please save your comments about how wonderful children are and how big a blessing they are to yourself, I get it and want them, but I must learn to be happy with the way things are now.